They Get Letters: Cut the needy!

Out here in flyover country, we're pretty insulated from the sheer silliness of today's political climate. Even Democrats here are fairly sane folks. However, with a large, state-supported, liberal arts university just an hour up the road, the letters-to-the-editor section of the paper is not completely immune to the ravings of those who still call our commander-in-chief "Chimpy McBushitlerhalliburtonco."

But let's set politics aside for a second and consider the following. From Sunday's Bedford Times-Mail comes this enlightening, comically illiterate letter; my comments are in this font, in black.

Worst president in history

To the editor:

Terri Lynn Languell, of Springville, you took the words out of my mouth. We need more people like you. Iraq is another Vietnam; he's spent billions.

I'm working on a comparison between Iraq and Vietnam; watch this space!

Biggest spender as a president in the millions and billions.

Millions and billions and trillions and quadrillions ... 5-illions, even!

But they can cut the needy and give themselves a raise, Senate and House and judges. In 2006, they want to raise property taxes 10 percent,

Yes, I saw the report where the federal government wants to raise your property taxes. You're kidding me, right?

Also, cutting the needy would seem to be a good thing. Unless you mean "with knives."

deregulate the phone company.

How random! "In 1979, the Soviets invaded Afghanistan, and that's how Jim Thorpe lost his gold medals when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon."

Bush is not truthful, and he'll go down as the worst president in history.

I doubt it. I refer you to a Mr. Stan Slabaugh of Chevy Chase, Maryland, who was City Council President of that city from 1984-1987. He was pretty awful. Also, I was French Club president my senior year of high school, and I was a pretty bad president too. I ran on the platform, "More crepes, less circonflexes!" But I didn't follow through. Compounded with an illegal, unethical war against the Chess Club, my French Club presidency was a disaster.

Also, Warren Harding wasn't a very good president either.

Rich got richer, poor poorer. Whoever wrote the Part D prescription drug bill must of been crazy.

Yes, must of been!

No one can understand it.

Much like ... this letter?

Under this president, no jobs, only minimum wage.

Which is it - no jobs, or minimum-wage jobs? Now, if I recall my minimum-wage days correctly, I was making a hell of a sight more with minimum-wage than without a job. Not to split hairs or anything - I'm just saying.

President make jobs now!!!!!!

People lost homes, more homeless, hunger, high cost of everything,

You can still get a double cheeseburger for a dollar if you know the right people. That'll eliminate the "hunger" and "high cost of everything" angle you're approaching.

can't afford insurance or medicine. Senate and Congress need a term limit like the president so we can get someone to work for the country and people.

Brain ...... tired.

Haven't you heard it said communists will take over without firing a shot?

Communists!!! (My God, are those people still around?)

Looks that way.

******

Let's be fair: functional illiteracy isn't something to be laughed at; it not only makes you more apt to write letters like above, but also makes you more suspectible to the crap that you find at places like Democratic Underground.

But we haven't heard Bush being called a "communist" for a while. I'm afraid the writer is confusing her talking points - she read "fascist" but couldn't remember that epithet. Oh well - give her points for effort; she's bashing Bush at a fifth-grade level!

I love letters to the editor. Newspapers are so desperate for readers these days, and they're so glad that someone takes the time to write to them, that they will publish just about anything! A writer doesn't have to source anything, and you can still get away with blanket half-sentences like "Under this president, no jobs, only minimum wage."

ANYWAY, this letter stands on its own (lack of) merits. I don't have anything relevant to add.