An Open Letter to Those Who Perpetuate Methamphetamine Usage - From Someone Who Has A Severe Cold (NSFW)

Dear Jackass,

Colds are fairly common in my house - that's why they call it the common cold, I reckon - and whenever an illness besets me, my wife or my son, I gird up and make the trip to a drug store to purchase any sort of cold remedy.

It used to be easy, don't you recall. You could go buy two bottles of DayQuil and two bottles of NyQuil, because Lord knew you were going to need every last drop, especially if those living with you also became ill. (As tends to happen in my house.)

But no longer. Not only is there now a limit on the amount you can purchase - if your preferred cold remedy contains pseudoephedrine - but (at least in my state) you also have to sign a register that, I assume, tracks your purchase and is turned over to the authorities at certain intervals. Lovely, that. And so last night, I went through another demoralizing, humiliating purchasing session at my local pharmacy, where I signed away my firstborn and gave three different blood samples so I could help expedite this cold's exit from my body.

(I would be remiss if I didn't also send thanks out to our elected officials - thanks for making it harder to purchase cold medication. I really, really, really appreciate it! Thanks for protecting me, assholes!)

But I'll refrain from screeching against the government for now. The blame, instead, should be placed squarely on you, the creator, seller or user of meth.

Quite frankly, it's unbelievable, the concoction that is mixed to make meth. Some ingredients include drain cleaner, paint thinner, anhydrous ammonia, and battery acid. The funny thing is this: that list is by no means complete, which is just staggering to me! It's almost as if the users and makers of meth are saying, "Oh, drain cleaner, paint thinner, anhydrous and battery acid aren't enough for my high! How about we add other things like kerosene, lye, acetone and sulfuric acid?"

Sulfuric acid!!!

Not only that, but when blended together, the ingredients commonly react in some negative fashion, such as corroding, or igniting and exploding, or by putting out fumes that are likely to impair the already-diminished mental capacities of the "cook."

Some people consider the body a temple; it's obvious that you consider the body a two-room crackhouse with shit on the floor.

A couple of thoughts: Who does your quality control? "Ahhh, needs more lye and less muriatic acid ... and a touch of paprika!"

And, moreover, why? Why, pray tell, did you find it necessary to take a bunch of common household items, mix them with other household items, and get high off the resulting mixture? What synapses firing in your dumbass little head would even cause you to make that leap? Is pot just not readily available where you live? Are you sure???

And then, of course, the end result is that if you're a seller, you sell it at a tidy profit. Hey, I'm all for capitalism, but for Chrissakes, be an accountant or something. (Hey, that's an idea - replace meth with math! There's a slogan just waiting to be commandeered.)

(Yes, really - sulfuric acid!!! I know!!!)

Anyway, I'm off-topic, and that's a shame, because I don't even think about this alleged "meth epidemic" except when I get a cold ... and then I can't stop thinking about it because I'm so pissed off about the rigamarole.

Thanks a million for making it harder for me to get rid of a cold, asshat. My sinuses appreciate it.