You Never Even Called Me By My Gnome

Some thoughts about David Allan Coe for no particular reason while listening to the Chris LeDoux compilation “781 Cowboy Songs” (you’ll listen till you’re saddle sore):

David Allan Coe has written some great songs in his long career, including the landmark workingman’s anthem for Johnny Paycheck, “Take This Job and Shove It,” and also sang one of the five greatest country songs ever, “You Never Even Called Me By My Name.” Country radio sees DAC as tainted, though, for one of two reasons: 1) that album of X-rated songs he put out over a decade ago, or 2) the legendary tattoo of a spider on his wanger. It’s a shame, really, because he’s still out there busting his ass, making records and touring. And he's probably got a pretty good-sized cult following.

I have gotten a hold of some of the songs from “Rated X,” and really, the songcraft is just astounding. I’m not kidding! If you ignore the lyrics and just hum the melodies, you’ll find that the songs themselves are as strong as, if not stronger than, roughly 99.8 percent of what’s on country radio today. Yeah, the lyrics are a little … ahem … rough around the edges, shall we say. So? Look up “rough around the edges” in your Funk-N-Wagnalls, and if there’s any justice in this world, you’ll find a picture of David Allan Coe. But I don’t see any reason to blacklist him from country radio just because he’s not a young, pretty thing like Dierks Bentley.

But I guess because he’s not Alan Jackson, whose Dumbass Song of the Month has been a regular occurrence for about four years now, and because he doesn’t take silly catchphrases and turn them into dumbass little three-minute hits, and because he’s not really waved the flag in song after 9/11 (not that I’ve heard, anyway), and because he’s not bedding that gnome-Amazon mix Gretchen Wilson (although their offspring would be a sight to behold), then he doesn’t fit into any of the little boxes that neatly make up today’s country radio.

Now, I have nothing against Alan Jackson - it’s just that his songs seem stale as soon as they hit radio. That’s not a phenomenon specific to Alan Jackson, incidentally. For instance, there are just too many songs about dead people on country radio these days – dead parents, dead neighbors, dead siblings, dead spouses, dead soldiers, dead self - and their expiration date (pardon the unintentional pun there) passes by about the :08 mark of the first listen. I don’t doubt that the songs mean something to someone somewhere - maybe even to you, Dear Reader, and if so, I’m so sorry for your loss … but my heartstrings are just tugged out at this point, you know what I mean?

But Alan Jackson’s got nothing on Toby Keith, whose music I enjoyed up through “How Do You Like Me Now?” Then overnight, he dumbed down his songs exponentially and, not coincidentally, became Entertainer of the Year soon after. I’ve been willing to give him somewhat a pass because he backs our soldiers so wholeheartedly, but ye gods – he’s just awful anymore. “I’m gonna get drunk and be somebody”? What does that mean??? It doesn’t even make sense!

(I have a buddy who says that Gretchen Wilson is “Bedford hot.” If you’ve ever been to Bedford, you’d understand.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah – David Allan Coe.

If there were ever a David Allan Coe tribute album (encompassing the good, the bad and the ugly), these artists and groups probably would not appear on it:

Martina McBride
Charley Pride
Michael Bublé
Sleater-Kinney
Kenny Rogers
Public Enemy
Townes Van Zandt*
David Allan Coe
* - deceased

Incidentally, here is my favorite sidebar item ever from The Onion: