Ding-Dongs were a lot better when they were wrapped in foil.

Sometimes I wonder if the proprietors of Hostess were just a bunch of perverts, or if the innuendo-laden names of their products were not so laden with innuendo at the time of their original production. Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, Ho-Hos … I suppose you could even make a case for the name of the Suzy-Q snack cake holding a certain level of prurience.

Or is it just me who’s the perv?

Well, at least the names mean something. Wife rolled her eyes at me last night when we were behind a vehicle called a “Catera” – I believe it’s a Cadillac product – and I said, “Catera! A name that inspires feelings of nothingness, for it means nothing!”

(I dated a Catera once. Not really; it was a Catina, the Catera’s older badass sister. She inspired much more than feelings of nothingness, so that clearly wouldn’t be the good name for a car.)

Speaking of old girlfriends, the only one from my past I would have dropped everything to marry (up until Wife and I got serious) made a cameo in a dream I had last night. It was pleasant up until she got on my lap and tried to kiss me, and I kept on fighting her off, telling her I was married and not in journalism anymore. (As if the two things had to be mutually exclusive.)

I woke up: Wow. Where did *that* come from?

Seriously. Was this one-time occurrence something that dream psychologists would have a field day with, or is there a pretty simple explanation for her showing up there? I’ll have to dig up the dream encyclopedia that I got for Wife a couple of Christmases ago that has never been used.

And why did I act that way in my dream? Like I said, Jen was someone who, in retrospect (and I didn't know this at the time we were dating), I would have dropped everything to marry, had we only been a little older and I still had the opportunity. Had things not fallen into place as they did and the chance arose, I’d be on the next flight to Texas. Yet, with a guilt-free opportunity to be with her again in the realm of sleep – where no one else ever has to know - she inspires feelings of fidelity to my wife?

… the hell?

Am I really that faithful? I’d like to think I would be, but I’ll also have to admit that I’ve not really been in the position to cheat since getting married. (And I don’t ever care to be.) People who watch too much Dr. Phil might claim, “Once a cheat, always a cheat.” And I did my share of it back before I had sense, at least online. But that was a thousand years ago. (Give or take 993.)

Anyway. I’m both proud of and mystified with myself for not cheating on my wife in a dream I had. People do a lot worse in real life.

Still haven’t heard from the curling folks re: my Fox Sports blog, but am not giving up on the project yet. In the meantime, enjoy my Indy 500 preview if you’re into that sort of thing.

More about my weekend later.