The local grocery was selling 32-ounce bottles of the sports drink Powerade for 50 cents last week. I picked up about 10 of them; really, I prefer Gatorade, but I’m not fiercely loyal to it.
On the label:
“Welcome to the Powerade system of great tasting, high performance beverages.”
Thank you – glad to be here! But I’d like to point out just a minor fallacy in your welcome address: “great tasting” and your “Green Squall” flavor are mutually exclusive. Green Squall both turned me green and made me squall. (Yes, I know – not the right “squall.”) It was awful.
Also, my performance didn’t necessarily improve thanks to your Green Squall high-performance beverage:
Me: Did you notice a difference in my performance?
Wife: You performed?
Get me legal! Deliberate misleading advertising!
“Powerade is liquid fuel designed to feed your maverick spirit –“
Uh-oh. I think they lost me there. My maverick spirit died years ago, replaced by a comfortable libertarianism/conservatism. Me and "maverick spirit" go together like ..... well, they just don't. Am I getting too much liquid fuel for my money?
When I think of “maverick spirit,” I think, “Come to Marlboro Country!”
(then, after some crap about B-vitamins and carb fuel ...)
“Drink Powerade. Defy convention.”
You know what I think would defy convention? Drinking, say, goat pee. That would defy convention. Drinking a B-level sports drink is probably not unconventional so much as it is an indication that Gatorade wasn't available.
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Please note: My policy at Bramble Tamble is to not use real names for private citizens. I hope you will adhere to this policy; hell, it's my only rule here. (But you can use your own real name if you'd like. Cause I'm magnanimous like that.)