... and nothing else matters.

Still, below post notwithstanding, I really do have the perfect life, and here's why:

Monday night, the sweet-crap movie "The Reading Room," starring James Earl Jones, was on the Hallmark Channel, which deals almost solely in sweet-crap movies and "Walter Texas Ranger."

Because I am a smartass, I had to punctuate all of Jones' lines with the Darth Vader breathing sound. I don't know how you would spell it out phonetically, so I'm going to spell it "khhhhhh," because it's relevant to the story.

Naturally, I got a little carried away with it, and Wife wanted to murder me about 20 minutes in. I let it go for a little while, then when I went to change Son into his pajamas, I started back in, doing my best to approximate James Earl Jones' voice.*

Me: "Son ... I am your father. (khhhhhhhh)"

Son: *squeals of laughter*

Me: "Son ... do not resist me changing your diaper ... (khhhhh) ... it is your destiny. (khhhhhhh)"

Son: *continued laughter*

He was really tickled by the khhhhhhh. So much, in fact, that later on (because I can't let it go for long), I said it again.

Me: "Son ... it is your destiny. (khhhhhhh)"

Son: (trying to change his voice into something a little deeper - seriously!) "(gibberish gibberish gibberish) - (khhhhh)!"

I laughed so hard.

This, in turn, led to dropping the "khhhhh" into everyday things at our cue - "Mommy! (khhhhhh)." "Daddy! (khhhhhhh)." It's the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

Leading child-development experts say that teaching your child to do a Darth Vader impression is key to his development.

* - The Captain used to do a killer James Earl Jones impression, because he's a bit more of a baritone, while I have a pleasant, calm, soothing secretarial voice; I sound more like I'm a teenager trying to sound older so I can buy cigarettes.