Faduck, an oyster bed! (Plus, if you thought the commercialization of NASCAR couldn't get any dumber ...)

Dumbass. He truly is "King of the Shitheads."

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And this sounds a little ... shall we say .... gay. Perhaps if it was called something besides "NASCAR Angels," which sounds more like a semi-pornographic fundraiser calendar, or some craft-show horseshit that features things like a 40-year-old woman with a 68 IQ creating Scott Wimmer macaroni art ... oh, I've said too much.

(Which would be the better line there? "Scott Wimmer macaroni art," or "Hermie Sadler origami"?)

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Update: This might be a pretty good approximation of the above-referenced art.

Rusty: "Beulah uses only Kraft macaroni and cheese noodles as she lovingly crafts another image of her NASCAR hero, Scott Wimmer. She is truly ... a NASCAR Angel." (cue sweeping inspirational music) "I'll be back in a minute with the story of the woman who nursed Scott Riggs back to health after a particularly nasty incident with an oyster bed. Next, on NASCAR Angels!"

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Update 2: I hate to keep on picking on poor Scott, but if I started a series of posts about truly useless or irrelevant NASCAR merchandise, I imagine that this would be the first thing I'd write about:

I can't really imagine that it's one of shower-curtains.net's bigger sellers. (It really exists; it's not just a product of my addled imagination and Paint Shop Pro trickery! Check out the link!)

In that vein, I am also having a hard time imagining that the person who would own this particular item wouldn't also have the matching floor mat. Cause, you know, if you're going to go ... you've gotta go all the way.