How's your Thursday going?

My day in a nutshell: (See if you can point out where the universe is upside down.)

Today is Shadow Day at the place I work. In my group, we have one person who brought her 10-year-old granddaughter in. Within about 17 minutes, she was on my last nerve, doing dumbass stuff like sneaking up behind me and scaring me (twice!), because I’m so engrossed in my work. (Really.)

She pointed at the typewriter on the desk behind me: “What’s that?”

“Well, that’s how we used to send messages via Pony Express.”

(Blank look.)

“Your grandma still uses it because she hasn’t heard the news yet.”

(Blank look.)

Then she proceeded to tell me about the latest Harry Potter book. (As. If. I. Could. Give. Two. Shits.) Someone important to the story apparently dies. Dumblesomething. Sorry if that spoiled the book for you.

Oh. Here are two suggested titles for the off-brand Harry Potter books that I will write someday for sale at Big Lots and other cut-rate retailers:

Larry Porter and the Chamber of Commerce
Larry Porter and the Chambermaid’s Sister

Meanwhile ... my wife just called from Chicago. She and the team she took up there are having lunch at Hooters. Mentally, I compared this with how my day is going so far, and will probably cry myself to sleep tonight.

“Don't feel too bad, honey. None of the waitresses are particularly qualified to work here,” she said. “But they really should put on some shorts.”

“Are you sure you didn’t stop at Poopers?” I asked.

Conversely, while my wife is lunching at Hooters, I’ll probably have to explain the concept of correction fluid to a 10-year-old girl. My shizzle’s gone fazizzle.