The semi-circle of life. (Or: Cortez the Bunny Killer) (Originally published as "The Bunnies of Anne Frank".)

I didn't even hear the fwhoomp that normally accompanies pushing a lawnmower over an item or items that are not grassy, gravelly or metallic in nature.

In the corner of my eye, I saw something hopping across the driveway, and thought, "Toad season already?" A more direct second glance disconfirmed my assumption, as only bizarre hybrid bunny-toads have ears. Rather, the dumbass mommy bunny had placed her nest right in the middle of the yard. I guess you just have them where you have them, you know? (The Diary of Anne Frank would have been a lot shorter had the mom followed standard rabbit birthing procedures.)

Two of the baby bunnies had been mostly obliterated by the mower, barely alive but suffering greatly. One was chopped in half, while the other had a couple of deep cuts that made it squeak like a rusty hinge. After applying some WD-40 to get rid of the squeak*, I disposed of them properly, which left six unaccounted for, as they scattered across the driveway to parts mostly unknown. Two tried to forcibly enter the crawlspace of the house; it was kind of cute, with their baby bunny crowbars and masks. The other four hopped off in all directions to live out the remainder of their hours; it's not likely they would have survived long on their own, as other idiots with mowers were also out in force.

My raging bloodlust* was abated by the fact that I saw this as a potential learning opportunity for Son, who went nuts when he spied the bunnies. He's been chasing rabbits ever since he was able to run on his own, and here was this golden opportunity to finally be able to catch two. I grabbed a shoebox out of the house, put some grass in it and snagged the two wayward bunnies.

Son was amused for about 5 minutes. I implored him to "hug them and squeeze them and call them George," but because they were pretty skittish - and wouldn't you be, having just survived your home's disintegration by a large machine with a sharp blade spinning at 3000 rpm? - he didn't want to have anything else to do with them after we sat one on his lap and it hopped up his belly to his shoulder looking for an escape.

Eventually, we called our niece to see if she wanted them, because God forbid any animal be let loose to die. So her mom came out and picked up the bunnies and made her getaway while Son wasn't looking. They'll eventually die, probably sooner rather than later, but at least they'll do it in air conditioning.

* - kidding.