Bramble Tamble

One of my running (stupid) jokes is that when Doom is on vacation, he will occasionally call in from his vacation spot to check in (because we are incapable of governing ourselves without his austere, fairhanded, calm leadership). He asks me how things are going, and I will say something smart like, "Well, after the fire department left, things calmed down a lot, and we're doing OK." I say this in hopes of eliciting some sort of reaction from him, because I like him a lot better when he's in a bad mood, because I like to make fun of his overreactions to everything.

The fire department was actually here on Wednesday.

I'm almost certain that this is related to Sandals pre-heating the microwave for such a long time before I put the "don't pre-heat the microwave" sign on it. Regardless, the lady who originally alerted me to the pre-heating situation put a small bag of popcorn in the microwave, set it for 2 minutes, and stepped away to the restroom.

As a point of reference, back when I was bringing Heart Attack In A Bag (tm) brand microwave popcorn to work, I would cook the popcorn for no more than 2:15. This was a regular-sized bag of corn, and while it would take about 3:30 or so to microwave it at home, the wattage on the microwave at work is so messed up that it would be done between 2 minutes and 2:15.

The bag that she was nuking on Wednesday was one of the smaller bags that are popular these days. The buttery aroma wafted over to my desk, and I was all, "Ahhhhhh. That smells quite nice."

****

A quick aside: Why they haven't come up with a perfume that smells like microwave popcorn, I'll never know. Picture it:

'Happy anniversary, honey!'

'Oh, you got me Redenbacher #12!'

'Yeah, 'cause I like boning you, and I like microwave popcorn too.'

'Oh, honey.' *swoon* *kiss* *grope*

****

A few moments later, I heard this from the kitchen:

"Oh no!!!"

I turn in time to see smoke just billowing from the microwave, filling the kitchen and creating that acrid burnt microwave popcorn odor.

I rush over with a manila folder and start frantically trying to dissipate the smoke. I know how sensitive the smoke alarm in our building is, and ---

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The staff evacuated to its designated meeting spot/smoking area outside. Mrs. Redenbacher called the fire department to let them know that it was only a popcorn fire, so if someone could just come out to turn the alarm off, that'd be great.

Five minutes later, the entire fargin' fire brigade comes screaming up. Two pumper trucks, a third fire truck that did not have a pumper on it, and a fourth truck affiliated with the fire department. Plus, a police car parked itself at the end of the drive to block entry.

I'll grant that maybe they used the incident as a drill, but nonetheless, it was beautiful. Four trucks, the man in full fire gear entering the building, all for burnt popcorn.

Wouldn't you know it - Doom had left early on Wednesday, so when he came in on Thursday, he overreacted. "WHO PUT POPCORN IN THE MICROWAVE AND WALKED AWAY FROM IT??" I wanted to pipe up, "Well, who among your staff has fucked up the microwave to the point where you can't even leave popcorn in it for two minutes?" But I didn't.

I was scared for a moment that I was going to have to track everyone down for an impromptu staff meeting re: popcorn. (This has been known to happen for equally unimportant events, and I feel like such an ass for tracking everyone down on their cell phones and telling them to come back to our building for a meeting.)

(This morning [Friday], you could still catch a whiff of the burnt popcorn.)