My mom had been haranguing and nagging me for years about me and her coming out here, and since she retired last year and is about to finally slip into full-on fixed income mode, I relented, as this was the last chance to do it.
There's not much I can add to the generally accepted narrative about Vegas that you can't find on the Internet. I can't write anything sexy or moving or deep about it - "a mirage in the Nevada desert built on the backs of dreamers and their busted dreams" and all that shit. That song has already been sung by people who can write better than I, and if I tried to write or add to it, I'd come off sounding like a hack.
Regardless, I'll hack away here.
SUNDAY: I'm ok with flying. Had never done it before my trip to San Diego for work a couple of years ago, but once I didn't die, I determined flying to be a completely safe mode of cross-country transit.
Mom, on the other hand, is like a white, blonde B.A. Baracus (Mr. T's character on "The A-Team). Without the mohawk and bling, of course. She got some Xanax to take before getting on the plane. I suggested a mallet to the head instead - cheaper and non-prescription. And non-addictive too!
She had never experienced turbulence before Sunday night. She has now. Good times. It was fairly insignificant, but still noticeable.
We landed safely and soundly at McCarran around 8-something local in the evening. And ooooh, they have slots in the airport! So I was down 20 bucks before we ever got out of the terminal.
So we took the shuttle from the airport to Circus Circus.
Fun fact: The Circus Circus was built in 1968. Fun observation: The hotel rooms have not been updated since then.
We got our room and I immediately christened the hotel the Shithole Shithole. Having stayed in Days Inns that were nicer, I'd have to say that I was disappointed in:
1. Having to actually plug in the lamps and the TV - and one lamp did not work at all, nor did the switch on the wall upon entering the room. Fumbled around in the dark for 4 or 5 solid minutes.
2. The safe in the room was missing the lock. Valuables were protected by a door, easily opened by putting your finger into the hole where the lock was supposed to be and pulling.
3. The obvious water damage along the trim near the ceiling.
And through it all, the only thing I could think of - as I suggested on Twitter - was that Ol' Blue Eyes himself had christened this room with a hooker or a stripper or something, as he surely did all the rooms in Vegas. I think it was the law when a new hotel was built, but I think it passed off the books after the Rat Pack started dying off.
Upon exiting the room and touring the Shithole Shithole complex, I made note of the heavy CSI merchandising efforts in the gift shops. It's a shame I'm not half-retard, else everyone back home would have gotten a CSI t-shirt or hat or magnet or shot glass or bumper sticker or letter opener or postcard or two t-shirts. I guess, to me, it screams "tacky" - yet I'm in Vegas, and what exactly did I expect?
Because of the lateness of the hour - even though it was just after 10pm local, it was after 1am EST when we finally ventured out of the room - we stayed close to the hotel and casino Sunday night into Monday morning. And I did well - everything I tossed against the wall stuck, from the constant cashes out of the Wheel of Fortune slots (topping out at a $250 win - 1000 coins on the Wheel bonus!), to playing Three Card Poker to much profit (helped by a three of a kind - pulled approximately $280 off the table) to a small $30 win on the blackjack/Wheel of Madness table (where you place a $1 side bet in addition to your normal blackjack bet, and if you get a blackjack on your first two cards, you get to spin a wheel that pays you anywhere from 10 to 1000 times your $1 side bet). I'd probably netted about $400 in profit the first 8 hours, all told.
"Ready to go back to Indiana?" I asked my mom.
She wasn't.
MONDAY. I wish she was ready to go back to Indiana. I donated a good portion of what I had netted the previous evening. Thing is, once you start having good luck, you either have the good sense to stop, or you press it. And usually, you get whammied.
As I did.
Wandered around the immediate environs, from Shithole Shithole to the adjoining Slots-A-Fun (the smallest casino on the Strip) and across the street to the Riviera, and put in my share of the light bill at all three places. The only notable thing about the early morning - other than that I was still up from the previous evening - was that the open-air entrance to Slots-A-Fun was an invitation for pigeons to wander in and walk around. (Since this is Vegas, I need to clarify: I don't mean "pigeons" in the mob sense. I mean actual birds with beaks and feathers.)
And they startled the hell out of sleep-deprived wired me.
Finally decided to go back to the room and get some shut-eye, and slept about 4 hours till roughly 1pm EST.
After waking, Mom and I decided to go have a drink and then head further down the Strip. The bulk of our time Monday afternoon was spent at Caesar's.
I'm terrible at estimating heights and weights, but I would guess that this sign is, conservatively, 15 stories tall. And weighs about 72 pounds.
As you might expect, lots of this shit at Caesar's:
Mom: "Get in front of it, let me take your picture!"
Me: "Why the FUCK would I want to do that? No. You stand in front of it and take my picture from there."
OK.Walking through the casino, I would occasionally detect an odor that can only be described as "cologne and farts." The more time I spent in Vegas, the more I realized that the odor was almost ubiquitous, and if I had but one lasting memory of the trip, that would be it, for better or worse.
We walked through the casino to the shopping area. It was as grand and overwrought as you'd expect.
(I can't resist reading the name of this restaurant with a lisp.)
The main free attraction at Caesar's was the statue show "Atlantis."
The statues above would be lowered into the pit and replaced by these animatronic figures that told the story of Atlantis. Very clearly based on a true story, as the king and his two brats who were fighting over who got to succeed him went to Cheesecake Factory afterwards to further hash out an agreement. (I shot video, but it sucked ass and I don't know how to fix the lighting issues on it.)
Part 2 coming soon ........
